Hey everyone.

Today, I learned three things.

First.

Most people have a weird perception of how to be helpful, which I don't share with them, and neither I understand it.

Second.

I've been through a lot of difficult things. But today, I learned what the most difficult of them are. It is to ask someone you love to understand your pain.

Third.

I've done enough damage.

This is the last entry of this blog.

Please be good. Love, don't hate. Cry, don't rage. And fear not. We're all human. We're all together, in this heart-shaped world.

I feel as bad as that late September morning.

Goodbye.

Everything is Never Enough

I hadn't noticed the relation. Cool.

Funny thing is... I think I have a particular definition of what is everything.

Are you a good friend?

Picture this scenario.

A friend of yours is in great pain, maybe because she lost something. She's suffering greatly. She doesn't enjoy living. At all. She spends all day crying and hating herself with all her heart. She is taking medication for her depression. It is not working. Your friend tells you she wants to die, tells you she will never get over her pain. Since you'd probably think she's just being pesimist or childish and you won't believe her as much as she pleads you to do so, magically, you have some way to confirm that what your friend says is true: her pain is everlasting, and will even grow ever stronger. You love her, but not as much as you love your other friends. She, on the other hand, loves you deeply and truly. You know she wants to die. But she's scared, because she believes she might go to hell if she commits suicide. You have some other way to know that what she says might be true. She wants help. Your help. Now, you have only one chance to say something to her, whatever, anything, and after you're done, you will never see her again.

What do you tell to her?

Try

There are several points in everyone's life where we realize there is something that makes us a good person. I, for one, don't like to think about it; it happens, yes, but it's usually at the expense of someone, because we usually need a point of reference too. And I don't like (and I'm sure most of you don't either) to feel better than someone else.

I was having a discussion with someone because he insulted both someone's opinion and someone else's art. I didn't like it either, actually. But I didn't like the fact he had to insult it either. I got defensive but loose: I prefer sadness over anger, and when you're arguing with a loose ambition, you're not going anywhere if your partner is of the agressive kind. I just really wanted to make a point. Of course then, he next insulted me, calling me a 13 year old, attacking me with sarcasm and whatnot. This is the point where I become depressed, and where I notice I'm a better person. Which I already stated, I don't like to think about.

Since we're chidren, we're taught to not speak if we don't have anything good to say. I've always been very attached to this. There are people, however, who believe we have all the right to express our opinions, and just because we don't like somethiing doesn't mean we don't have the right to express it. That is, in fact, correct. There's no one with the right to keep our mouths shut if we want to say something. But these people are so full of themselves that they're overcarried by logic and missing common sense.

You know... people have these things called "feelings". When you're mean to them, you hurt those feelings. And that's bad. Very bad. And unnecesary. You don't get anything good out of that either. So why do it? If you're so urged to express your opinion, at least do it with respect and kindness. In a rougher note: people don't give a fuck about your opinion if it's not a positive one. In such a case, if people never got opinions over their screw ups, they would simply not get any opinion. And that would mean they're doing something wrong, so neither that's an excuse to speak shit about people.

This is... probably what I hate the most about people. People who think they're mean by nature, people who think they can't help it, who think it's a good thing, who are even proud of it. Please.. I beg you, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything... and if you must, please, be kind and respectful. Nobody wants to get hurt. Remember not everyone likes to argue with agression, and those who do aren't getting anything good of it. Our words hold incredible power, and are, in most cases, much more important than actions...

Next is a picture of a heart-shaped clef.

Things like this rarely happen to me. I think there is something that keeps even strangers from trying to harm you... I just don't know what it is. Bye.

I'm sad, but fine too.

Curious Again

I just took five times my daily dose of antidepressants. Let's see what happens!

 

Quit your pointless denial.

Sing for youself.
Play for yourself.
Write for yourself.
Paint for yourself.
Compose for yourself.
Dress for yourself.
Dance for yourself.
Draw for yourself.

Instead of doing things just because we like sycophantic and empty praise, and cheat ourselves thinking the reason we do those things is because people "enjoy" them, we all should use that time to do things that actually help people in a significant way and kill our hunger for a thank you in return. Do the former for your-fucking-self. No one cares if you're good at something. We all flatter for interest or simple instinct. It doesn't mean shit. Enjoy your own life and hobbies by your own means. You don't have to show your shit off. If you're gonna do it, at least fucking sell it, then it would mean something. And if you can't sell your talent, sorry to burst your bubble, but it means you and your talent (or lack, thereof) aren't worth a shit. So then why not do it just for yourself? And if your actual hobby is receiving flatters for what you do, being aware or not, I don't care about your intentions, I don't care about your morals. You're a fucking waste of oxygen.

Face your own implied misery and make a change for once in your so-far meaningless life, or plain kill yourself if you're a selfish bastard who doesn't care about common weal. Hell, if you don't, you probably are even proud about it. How meaningless and miserable can you get? Aren't you the cutest thing? The phrase "be yourself" turns into utter bullshit if you don't extend your hand once in a while, genius.

Stop your egoism and be SOMEONE. You're social by nature. Take advantage of it, but not for yourself, for those surrounding you. You're nothing without them. Fuck yourself for once, and extend your hand with the humillity you have been far from showing to this day.

Next is a picture of heart-shaped sweets.

I hate myself so much. Bye.

I feel terrible, too sad, disappointed, everything's just wrong with me right now.